Winter Retreat XVIII

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A couple weekends ago I went up to Divide, CO with my church family for a youth retreat. Two words.

JESUS & FAMILY.

I had so much clarity when I was up there. Everything was so clear and I could see Jesus in a new way. I could feel His Presence, new and different every morning. I could feel I was living out Lamentations 3:20-23. Jesus showed me that He cares about the little moments just as much as He cares about the big breakthrough moments. And I received both.

The last night, Saturday night, we all were in beautiful, spontaneous, prophetic worship for hours. My youth pastor never got to preach because the Holy Spirit moved so powerfully. (one of my fav moments)

I believe there was not a dry eye in the Chapel that night. We all received breakthrough. Some of us don't even know what broke off or what really happened. We just know that God showed up and moved so powerfully.

Y'all, we gonna get real honest. I've been to 7 camps and retreats with my youth group. And I have received breakthrough in some area of my life at each one. Because this was my 4th winter retreat, I compared everything that God has done in the past to this weekend and I was afraid He (for whatever odd reason) wasn't going to show up for me this time.

Those kinds of thoughts made the first day at camp a war zone for my mind. You know? I did not really know what I needed, even though that became the theme for the weekend. I didn't know. I asked Jesus and the only thing I could think of is I needed more of Him. That was it. I didn't know what else I needed and I felt so stuck that first day.

Praise God for new mercies and new mornings. The next day, I could feel the walls around me start to break down. I could feel the box I felt like I was in just fade away. I felt like everything in my life slowly faded away and the only thing that was left was me and Jesus.

I got up at 5:30 and made it to the Chapel for quiet time and personal devotions around 6. I wanted to see Jesus and I didn't care how tired I was. I wasn't leaving until something happened and I had a tiny mustard sized bit of faith that told me He wasn't going to disappoint me.

I have never experienced something more fulfilling, more satisfying or more beautiful. I felt so full, so satisfied. for the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't lacking anything. I felt complete. I felt fully alive. I felt swept up in His beautiful arms and I knew I was covered in unlashed grace and unrelenting love. Jesus, came and proved He cared about me. Proved He wasn't disappointed in me but instead that He was proud of me. He proved just like the song "Reckless Love" says that there is nothing in all the world that could ever stop Him from pursuing me. From breaking down the walls. From rescuing me sometimes from my own thoughts. From being my beautiful Father.

He filled my heart with a new found wonder. He revealed Himself to me in a new way and I felt like such a little kid. I didn't care about anything. I wasn't worried about the times I had to be anywhere. I cared about Jesus and He knew that and He showed up. He came and did so much more than I could ever ask for. Jesus filled my heart with wonder and what I mean by that is a new child- like faith. He filled my heart with overflowing amounts of joy and I am confident that no matter how expressive that joy is, it'll never fade away. God showed up in every second of the weekend and if I told you about all of it, you'd be here for dayyys.

He taught me how to rest. And I am still learning. He showed me how to rest in Him and how that is my greatest weapon against the enemy. My personal theme for the weekend was this simple phrase, "You can take the whole entire world. I just want Jesus."

And that's exactly what happened. I again didn't care about anything else.

If you get one thing out of this post it's this: I want you to know that Jesus cares about your big breakthrough moments and your little, sweet moments with Him too. He cares about you and you are always, always enough. You will never be lacking in Him.

 
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Here's some pics from the weekend! Enjoy!

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