Katie Nicole // May's Love Story
THIS. GIRL. SHE'S AMAZING. I am proud to say that this month's love story is from the heart of the incredible Katie Kary! She is so powerful, and I've watch her grow from the first time I saw her. God is doing an amazing work in her, and He's not done yet. Katie, you have so much in store for your life! Keep going and pressing into Jesus! Love You so much! (Insert heart emoji here)
Hi! My name is Katie Nicole Kary.
I'm currently seventeen years old and I'm about to be a senior in High School. I'm going to be very honest, I used to absolutely hate my life. I hated being me, I would always wish of being someone else. I would always say, "I hate being Katie Kary. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her." I was so unhappy with myself to the point where I just didn't want to be me. I saw no point in being who God made me to be. I thought my life was a curse, I wished I was anyone, but me. I struggled with so much self hate growing up. People in middle school bullied me about my weight, because I was overweight at the time, and bullied me about my looks as well.
It made me a super insecure, self-conscious person in middle school and freshmen year of high school. I was insecure over the dumbest things, like my clothing, my makeup, my overall appearance, my grades, my voice, and my interests. I was scared of being myself, who is goofy and quite frankly, kind of obnoxious. I made myself quiet because I was afraid of telling my opinion or getting any attention at all. All because I thought that I would get made fun of, get bullied, be outcasted, and even ditched by my friends and classmates.
So through middle school and freshman year, I tried to be anything, but me. I thought being me was the worst thing ever. I thought that if I was me, I would have no friends, everyone would think I was weird, and no one would truly love or want me. I became depressed from not loving myself or having close friends. I became very lonely, and contemplated suicide many times during this time of my life. I thought there was no way out. I planned my suicides many times, but by the grace of God, I never actually had the guts to attempt to end my life.
I walked into High School with that mindset. I didn't know anyone at my High School in the beginning, and I worried about finding friends. But I did find a group of girls who let me join their clique. They were nothing like me. They cussed, had anxiety, lusted, judged others, and only cared about themselves. When I was apart of their clique during freshmen year, I left all my morals and values behind so I could fit in and be one of them so I could be loved and feel accepted. I turned into a whole other person. I began to cuss worse than they did, I began to be temped into having sex and doing drugs, and I began to completely distance myself from church and Jesus.
I wasn't myself. I thought that if I wasn't myself, I would be happy.
But I realized I was unhappy with who I was being.
I carried things I wasn't supposed to carry like anxiety, fear, and anger. I had anxiety all day everyday. It would keep me up at night crying and feeling restless. I became fearful of everything like my future, my grades, my circumstances, and literally everything. And I eventually became so angry with myself and everyone around me. I hated me, I hated everyone. I hated the world, I hated God. I wanted nothing to do with church.
When freshmen year ended and summer 2k15 began, that's where my life was changed for the greater good.
I don't know how or why, but I felt the urge to return to youth group. I didn't want to at first, but then something just sparked with me. Looking back on it, it was obviously Jesus. So I did, and I haven't stopped since. I was thinking about going to summer camp, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure. But again, I felt the urge to sign up, again Jesus, and I signed up the very last night anyone could sign up. That summer camp, I met Jesus.
I met Him for the first time face to face. He took away all my self hate, anxiety, fear, and anger. I encountered the Lord so greatly that night, I could never look back or walk away. Ever since then, I have been changed. I became a new creation when I truly met Jesus.
He took away my self hate and gave me love.
He took my anxiety and gave me peace.
He took my fear and gave me courage.
He took my anger and gave me joy.
God's given me many new friends, who I call my best friends and family, who all love me and encourage me daily. I love the person I am, and who I'm becoming. I love being goofy and loud. Making people laugh and smile is one of the things I live for. I'm not afraid to use my voice and be loud. I don't care what others think of me anymore because I know who God says I am, and that's all that truly matters to me. I am a new creation, I'm on the path of becoming who God wants me to be.